Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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