Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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