I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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