He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
