Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
