My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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