Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
