how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
