Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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