Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
