I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
