The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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