you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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