I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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