it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
