apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
