So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
