How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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