its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
