I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
