but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I did not marry a roomba.
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