I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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