I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The feeling are messing with the penis
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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