my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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