i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
