Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
