Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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