Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
