That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
