if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
