Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
