i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
