The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
