where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
