we're blogging at a bar
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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