i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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