Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize