You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
