remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
