so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
