my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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