Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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