I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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