I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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