did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
