So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
