Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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