super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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