my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
