My first STD was from a foam party
I think I died a long time ago.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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