True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
