i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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