Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
