It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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