your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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